her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
How external is "for external use only"?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
