Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
