If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
