So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
