the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
