____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
