you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
