I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
