I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
