we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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