bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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