my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
