u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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