4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
