she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
