She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
