Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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