I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
