When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
