when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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