It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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