We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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