her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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