There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
