I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
