I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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