her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
