you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
