Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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