You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
