Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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