he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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