we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
