omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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