Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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