I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
