I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
