i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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