Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
