Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
