I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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