I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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