is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
