We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
