HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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