His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
