I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
