life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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