nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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