So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
