are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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