I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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