Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
